How to Write a Rehearsal Dinner Toast That's Heartfelt and Unique

This post is about writing heartfelt and unique rehearsal dinner toasts.

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Rehearsal dinner toasts are a great way to highlight those who won’t be speaking at the wedding, but are still very close to either member of the couple.

While nerve-wracking for some, being asked to give a toast is a great honor. Knowing how to write a great toast is challenging but manageable with the right outline!

This post teaches you how to write a unique and heartfelt rehearsal dinner toast.

Are rehearsal dinner toasts necessary?

Like all pre-wedding party traditions, the couple decides if they want them. The same goes for rehearsal dinner toasts! The host and couple decide whether or not people speak at the rehearsal dinner.

It’s normal for at least one parent of each member of the couple to speak at the wedding, as well as one person from each “side” of the couple—traditionally, the maid of honor and best man.

The rehearsal dinner is a great opportunity to allow other people to speak. Generally, those speaking at the wedding don’t also speak at the rehearsal dinner.

How do you determine who gives the rehearsal dinner toast?

Like mentioned above, those not speaking at the wedding have the option to instead speak at the rehearsal dinner.

It’s common for the rehearsal dinner host to give a toast welcoming everyone and thanking them for being a part of the wedding. Then, later in the dinner, someone kicks off a few rounds of toasts.

It’s common for immediate family members and anyone else who’s very close with either member of the couple to speak.

No matter who you choose to speak at your rehearsal dinner, make sure you communicate this request well in advance. Don’t feel discouraged if someone turns you down, either—speaking is not for everyone, even in an intimate setting like this one.

Additionally, people will likely ask you if they can speak at the rehearsal dinner. Again, whether or not you allow this is your choice!

How long should the toast be?

Each toast should be 3-5 minutes at a maximum. These speeches are short and sweet, allowing enough time for everyone to speak and leaving room for casual conversation during dinner.

If only a few people speak at the rehearsal dinner, the speeches might be a little longer, at 3-5 minutes.

Writing Your Rehearsal Dinner Toast

Start preparing for your toast as early as you can, allowing plenty of time for edits. At the very least, you should have a general outline of what you’ll say.

Stray away from templates that practically write everything out for you. Odds are, the speech will sound exactly like what it is – from a copy-and-paste template.

Instead, find a general structure for the toast that feels good to you and then proceed with the writing.

While you write, remember that this speech differs significantly from one you’d present in high school. Rather than sounding like you’re giving a presentation, you’ll be talking like you always do – you’ll just have a general structure to what you’re saying.

Rehearsal Dinner Toast Outline

Introduce yourself and your relationship to one member of the couple (aka the “side” you’re on)
Share a memorable moment or characteristic of your friend
Highlight what it was like watching the relationship of the couple develop
Finish by circling back to both stories, ending with your official “toast.”

Introducing Yourself

While the rehearsal dinner toasts are pretty casual, it’s nice to have a little bit of structure to prevent awkward transitions. We recommend that each person introduces the next, which means that there’s some coordination about the order in which everyone will speak.

If you do have to introduce yourself, at the very least, don’t start with “for those of you who don’t know me…” this is a cheesy start to far too many wedding-related speeches. Instead, start with, “Hello, everyone! My name is ____, and I know [couple name] from our time at UCLA together.” A simple introduction like this tells everyone who you are while being short and to the point. Beginning with this structure shows that you are confident and comfortable speaking.

Opening with a Memorable Moment

It’s common to start with a funny or lovable moment that you and the person you’re speaking about shared together.

To piece together this moment, reflect on the time you’ve known this person. How did you meet them? What was your first impression of them? What moment in your friendship showed you that you would be best friends? How did they prove they would be there for you, even in tough times? What moment do you bring up that immediately makes you all laugh uncontrollably?

It’s important to note that former relationships or risqué endeavors might not be best to share in this setting. Rehearsal dinners tend to have all immediate family in attendance, and you don’t want to share stories that should stay among friends and not, for example, grandparents.

When you know what moment you’d like to share with everyone, outline the story. Then, work to condense it into 2-3 minutes, focusing on significant details and the character traits that you’re portraying. In your outline, ask yourself, “What made this moment memorable, funny, charming, or lovable?” Make sure the emotion that you’re trying to highlight is front and center.

Well Wishes in Marriage

After sharing a memorable moment that you have with this person, pivot to the development of their relationship with the person they’re marrying.

To do this, you can share what it was like when you first met their significant other or a charming moment when you knew they would be a good fit for your friend. In this section, share a few characteristics of the person your friend is marrying that’s touching. For example, you can end this section with a statement like, “While at first I was less than pleased that you got to move in with us during the pandemic after only knowing [name] for a few months, I couldn’t help but become great friends with you. You’re responsible and caring, great to watch movie marathons with, and most importantly, I saw firsthand how your love and care for [name] is unconditional.

Finishing Your Rehearsal Dinner Toast

Finally, it’s time to finish your toast by combining your two sections—your reflections on moments with your friend and your thoughts on their relationship.

This section of your toast is short – just a paragraph or two. The bulk of your toast will be the sections before that tell a story.

Start with a sentence that brings the two sections together. Typically, you’re able to do this because it makes sense chronologically. Your first section focused on you and your friend, and then you meeting your friend’s partner, and now, you can highlight the time you get to spend with them as a couple.

A sentence that you might start this section with could go something like, “[Name (your friend)], in the last few years, I’ve watched your bond with [name] grow into the relationship it is today. With this growth, you’ve become stronger and more resilient in your [career, independence], and I know this is because you have an amazing person supporting you. [Name (person your friend is marrying)], I know you’ll be a good spouse for [name], and I’m so thankful that you get to take part in [name an activity that has already been mentioned – our ridiculous adventures, endless game nights, reality tv marathons, etc.]. Let’s raise our glass for [name and name]; I wish you love, resilience, and just a bit of [characteristic of your friend mentioned in the first section].